Getting to Know Me

My Memory: From Bad to Worse

I look around and I’m at a house that seems vaguely familiar. I’ve been there before and I get nostalgic. Someone else lives there too. I’m not sure how I know this but whoever it is has company. This is another person that I never see but I feel them. I get the urge to go outside. I look out the window and I see tons of people just having fun and I want to join in. I run downstairs and outside. For a moment I feel free. I walk around for a long time then something startles me. I’m not sure if it’s a person or animal but I feel in danger. I run back to the house. As soon as I get inside, I slam the door and try to put the lock on. Something seems different. I turn around and the furniture has changed. A woman runs out of a nearby room. I feel like I know her but I have no idea who she is and although she recognizes me, I’m scared. She asks what I’m doing. I am completely taken over with fear at this point because I don’t know what I’m doing there. I stare straight into her eyes and as she’s looking back at me I can tell that she sees me struggling to remember. I say, “I just want to go home.” She looks at me and says, “Ok let’s call the police.” (At this point, I realize I am only wearing a t-shirt and underwear.) She panics and looks for her phone and I suggest we use the cell phone in her hand. She hands it to me but it’s an iPhone and I say, “I don’t know how to use this.” She says, “Neither do I.”

Startled by a sound I awaken.

Lately, I have had more trouble than normal remembering everyday tasks and responsibilities. Friends and I joke about having early onset Alzheimer’s because our memories are so bad but after experiencing it for a couple of hours I don’t want that to happen to anyone. One of my great aunts suffered from the disease and I watched it progress over time. I wanted to call and tell someone about the dream but it just made me want to cry. That is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced and it seemed so real.

I’ve had a lot of dreams lately that have been very vivid and there is always the presence of someone who I was close with long ago (old friends and family members I haven’t talked to in a while). I never want to look at someone in their eyes only to have them see that they’ve been long forgotten at no fault of my own.

I have some phone calls to make while it’s still on my mind.

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ” ~The Wonder Years

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One thought on “My Memory: From Bad to Worse

  1. Great post. We watched a video in school about Alzheimer’s. It broke my heart and I never want to have anyone forget me, or forget those important to me.

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